What our feet have to do with speaking

Linda Coyle

Over the last week, I’ve had several conversations with people regarding their feet…in relation to speaking.

Hmm, have I lost the plot?…Well some would say that that happened some time ago(!), but in relation to speaking, it is important to not undervalue our dear feet. The reason for this is that getting connected to our feet is a quick and effective way to connect to our body, and when we’re more connected to our body we can speak more successfully. Getting connected to our feet makes us more grounded.

Here are two recent quotes from clients of mine:

“I had a slight wobble at the start and really felt into my feet and that was it, boom, there was no stopping me.”

“When I stood I grounded myself to the floor and I read the reading really slow. It felt amazing to be in control.”

When we feel nervous, we tend to move up into our head. We can easily get shut off from our body. Problems with this include, losing our train of thought, having a voice that’s weak or shaky, rushing through what we are saying, the list goes on. In simple terms we speak from within our body, and if we can have our body working with us rather than either ignoring it, or working against it, then we can speak with more clarity and confidence. I tend to tackle this by getting people to connect from the top down with a body scan, or bottom up from their feet.

It is as simple as standing up, feeling the weight evenly distributed across both feet and noticing your feet on the ground or in your shoes.

Try it out and let me know!

getting through nervous speaking

Do you just want to get that speech ‘out of the way’?

Linda Coyle

Getting it out of the way…is this a phrase that you utter frequently? Maybe in relation to a job you’re avoiding, an impending dental visit, or unloading the dishwasher?! Well it’s certainly one that I often hear in relation to public speaking. True, public speaking is something that many of us find daunting or overwhelming, to be avoided at all costs, unless we really have to, at which point we just ‘get through it’ in some way. These are very normal reactions to something which can be really stressful. The thing is, these thoughts just aren’t helpful. Why not? Well, that’s what I want to explore here, as well as offering some practical alternatives.

  1. We’re sending ourselves a negative message: When we say, “I want to get this talk out of the way,” we’re sending a negative message outwards. We’re reinforcing the fact that we don’t want to do this, that it’s going to be unpleasant, and that there’s a good chance that it will all go badly.
  2. We’re not accepting the present moment: If we are speaking, but are focused on getting through it, we are out of sync with ourselves, with our mind, body, and voice. More importantly, we’re also disconnected from our listeners. So not being fully present does not serve us our listeners well.
  3. We’re not connected to our feelings: We typically identify ‘fear’ as an unpleasant feeling, and the natural inclination is to push it away. The thing is, this is energy flowing in the body, and if we don’t acknowledge it in some way, it will seep out. This could be legs that are shaking, a voice that is high pitched, or going blank, to name but a few.
  4. We’re not giving ourselves space: To speak with confidence and clarity, we need space in all its dimensions, space within our body, the space and time to convey our message, and space to send our message out. When we’re pushing through something, we tend to close up the body. This can directly translate into our body and our voice. What does this mean in practical terms? It means we can feel tight in ourselves, awkward and self-conscious in our body, lose our train of thought, and speak in a way that is indistinct, shaky, or rushed. Somewhat similar to my last point!

 

So, those are four reasons why I would like you to ditch the phrase (or variation of), getting through your next speaking situation. To replace it, below are four tools which can help. Feel free to dip into each or all of them, and see how they work for you.

  1. Visualise the speaking situation going well. If you do nothing else, start to think more positively about the situation, because being negative about it, which includes ignoring it, is just not helpful! Do this by daydreaming about the event going well. Go into as much detail as possible, and keep coming back to it. I find it can be really helpful to visualise right to the very end, and picture yourself feeling pleased at how well it went.
  2. Connect in with the body- when we’re nervous or anxious, we tend to move very much into our heads, and yet to speak confidently we need to inhabit our body. So, doing practical things to become more centred or grounded can really help. One thing that I use is a body scan, which is about taking a small bit of time to stop and tune into the body, starting at the top of the head and working my way down to my feet. You can
  3. Allow yourself to feel fear. What! Perhaps you’d rather chance walking on hot coals! The thought of staying with the fear can seem so overwhelming, but if you can take one step towards noticing what fear feels like in your body then you are on the right track. This involves tuning in to the sensations in the body, allowing them to be there, and not judging them. This may not seem very appealing, but it is very powerful.
  4. Say something positive! What would happen if you changed, I’m getting through it to, “I’m looking forward to it!” Would it make a difference? Well, moving your focus from dread to excitement can make real changes in how confidently you speak. I’ve written about this in a previous post, on ‘Why (just) calm down is bad advice for nervous speakers’.

 

What works for you?

When you find yourself dreading something, what is your default reaction? Is it helpful or unhelpful? I’d be interested to hear your comments!

 

In partnership with Toastmasters

Linda Coyle

Toastmasters is a great source of support for nervous speakers

Toastmasters is a great source of support for people who are nervous speakers. There are many Toastmasters clubs throughout Ireland, and I’ve had the privilege of being in touch with members from several of the Cork branches including, Bandon, West Cork, and Cork.

In this post I wanted to share how I’ve worked with people who are current or potential Toastmasters members.

  1. People who feel too overwhelmed to join toastmasters

Chatting to a president of a local Toastmasters group, she has spoken to numerous people who are so terrified of public speaking that they cannot enter the door of a Toastmasters meeting. Despite her gentle encouragement and reassurance that there would be no pressure to speak at a Toastmasters meeting, they just can’t do it. Given a barrier that feels so insurmountable, people can really benefit from working with a therapist who is trained in addressing speech anxiety…and that’s where I come in! Often the hardest part for people who suffer from speech anxiety, is to step out and get help when they are afraid, as it can feel like a ‘silly’ problem, one that you should just be able to ‘get over.’ Also, the longer speech anxiety goes on, the longer you see yourself as a person who lacks confidence at speaking, and so the harder it is to shift. So, at our initial meeting, I always celebrate the achievement of having got here, as that’s a  really big brave step in the right direction!

  1. Highly experienced and confident Toastmasters members who want to improve their vocal technique.

I have worked with clients who have taken part in numerous competitions and progressed up the levels of the Toastmasters programme. Watching their speeches is very impressive! For these people, a common reason that they come to me is to develop a more engaging voice. Perhaps their voice isn’t projecting well, or it lacks the passion that they clearly have for their topic.

Now while it can be reasonably straightforward to work on, or get help with, improving a speech, working on the voice can be more difficult. People can get a range of feedback about their voices.  They may be told that they need to speak more slowly, or speak from the diaphragm, but the reality is that while much of this advice is well intentioned, it can be very difficult, if not impossible, to making lasting changes to the voice without specific support. As an example, see how long you can speak slowly simply by telling yourself to speak slowly! Also, the advice may not be accurate, or it may be missing the core issue, for example, someone holding a lot of tension in their body.

So, what I do is have a look and listen to how someone speaks.  I analyse what’s happening, what helps, and what hinders the person having a free, flexible and powerful voice. From there we start to work on practical things that will enable them to have a voice which conveys their message with the energy and passion that they seek!

 

  1. Toastmaster members who are confident at giving a speech, but are nervous about speaking in other situations.

I recall working with someone earlier this year who delivered the most amazing speech, with passion, clarity and charisma. She had used Toastmasters as tool to get her over her fear of public speaking, and boy had she done well! I sat there wondering why she had decided to come to see me! What emerged was fascinating…while she could stand in front of a large group at a Toastmasters meeting and deliver a presentation, she couldn’t sit at a meeting with colleagues and give an opinion, or answering questions about a presentation.. So, my work with her involved exploring the root of her fear of public speaking. We identified that this had stemmed from an embarrassing speaking situation when she had been a teenager at school. While her Toastmasters skills had equipped her with presenting confidently, this traumatic experience still lived in her body, and so it ‘betrayed her when she needed to speak up in other situations, particularly at work.

We explored this experience, and I helped her to connect with those scared and embarrassed feelings in her body, and by doing this, she was able to work with this part of herself, rather than against it. This empowered her to speak from a place of passion, and not be held back by her fears, so now, not only was she delivering amazing Toastmasters speeches, she was having her opinion heard at work, and surfing a wave of confidence!

 

So, these are three ways I have worked in partnership with Toastmasters. If you fall into any one of these three categories, then get in touch to find out how I can help you.

Contact me

 

 

Why our body is so important for successful speaking, Part 2

Linda Coyle

What the body has to do with being an engaging, confident speaker and 3 tips to help you get reacquainted!

An effective voice needs a free and flexible body

In Part 1 of this article I shared a Youtube video on why our body is important for confident, successful speaking. In part 2, I explore the topic further, and share three tips which will enable you to become a more confident and engaging speaker.

1. We speak in our body

…OK this can seem really obvious, but it’s really important to think about this one. We often think about the voice being in our throat area or mouth, but pay less attention to the fact that we use our whole body in order to speak. At most, we may hone in on breathing, having heard that it’s important to take deep breaths for good speaking, but that is often the height of it. And missing the body, means that you’re missing a vital tool for engaging and confident speaking.

In order to speak successfully we need to have a free and flexible body. What does this mean? Well it includes things like having shoulders which are relaxed and not scrunched up, a jaw which is flexible and not tight, legs which support you but are not fixed, a posture which is open and confident, while not rigidly adhering to ‘head up, shoulders back’ which we often perceive as ‘good posture.’

Another key factor is space…not the intergalactic kind! To speak in an engaging and effective manner we want space… space inside our body for our voice to resonate well, space inside our throat, mouth and nose, so that our voice sounds engaging, space inside our head for clarity, as well as a sense of space around us, the area that we want our voice to fill.

 

2.Our body reacts to fear

This is probably the biggest motivator for why we need to connect with our body when we want to come across as a confident speaker. Fear is our body’s reaction to a perceived threat, so we see a lion, we get palpitations, sweat, and get ready to run- fight or flight, or we may freeze, stuck to the spot. Stand in front a podium, and the same physical reactions are not that dissimilar! So, we’re hard wired to keep ourselves safe, and even though to our rational brain, the fear of a speaking situation, be it public speaking, or dealing with a conflict situation, may seem highly irrational, the fact is, that our body doesn’t agree. So, while we may try to either talk ourselves out of this ‘irrational’ thinking, or ignore the nervous feelings, (and/or the stressful event until the last minute!), we are likely to be on a losing battle! Essentially we’re fighting against a wave which is much more powerful that we are.

 

Another thing that happens, is that as we get more stressed we move further into our head, and if these thoughts are left unchecked, we become more disconnected from our body.  This tends to maintain a negative cycle including features such as anxiety, panic, dread, over thinking and self-criticism.

 

So, what to do? Here are three tips to get you more connected to your body in under a few minutes each day. If you practice these regularly, you’ll find that become more body aware, and this in turn will enable you to be a more confident and engaging speaker. So here we go!

 

1. Get more grounded

The simple act of standing up and noticing our connection with the ground is very powerful. While you can do this wearing shoes, it can be particularly useful to do this exercise without shoes on, so that you’re really noticing the contact of your feet with the ground. When we’re stressed we move upwards into our head, so moving downwards, brings us back down to earth…literally! It can be very powerful how settling this is. The very act of choosing to become more grounded means that we stop what we’re doing, and that that is vital if we want to speak with power.

2. Do a body scan

A body scan is simply taking a 10-20 seconds or up to a minute or two, to scan down along your body from the top of your head down to your feet. It’s a chance to stop, become more present in yourself and be a curious observer of your body. I know that for me, when I do a body scan, I often notice tightness in my body which I hadn’t been aware of before. By regularly taking time to scan through your body, then you can get more tuned in to what is happening, and be able to speak from a place of presence. It’s useful to practice body scans when you’re in a relaxed environment, so that you can use them when you’re faced with a scary speaking situation where you desperately want to be confident.

If you’d like help with doing a body scan, then you can access an audio recording on  Day 1 of my Speak with confidence e-course which is currently available for free.

Find out more

 

3. Do mindful movement and stretching.

We can be great at doing lots of exercise but not necessarily be that aware of what we’re doing. Taking time to do simple stretches slowly and mindfully gets us more connected to our body. This could be as simple as scrunching up your shoulders, holding the tension, and then releasing, but being really aware as you are doing it. I particularly like many of the exercises used by Daniela Razocher of Bodies at Work , which can be accessed here.

 

Be curious, don’t judge

With each of these three tips to help you get more connected to your body, the key thing is to be curious about what you notice, and not judge. It’s very easy to take a dislike to feelings within the body, such as pain or tightness, but ironically it’s by getting to know them that they hold less power over you when you stand up to speak. So, be brave, and take a body aware step towards speaking with confidence today!

 

I hope that you found this article useful. Do share any comments you have, and let me know how you got on with the exercises.

Why our body is so important for successful speaking, Part 1

Linda Coyle

We need our body in order to speak. That’s obvious…but it’s worth reflecting on, as it can enable us to come across as confident and engaging when we speak! What exactly does this involve? Watch my video to find out more and to learn how to do a body scan, a quick and easy way to get you more connected to your body.

If you’d like to access an audio file to help you to do a body scan,

then try out Day 1 of my ‘Speak with confidence’ 5 day e-course for FREE.

Find out more

Feeling judged and how it’s interconnected with fear of public speaking

Linda Coyle

Feeling judged and fear of public speaking

Feeling judged…this is such a common theme that comes up for people who lack confidence in speaking. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I can’t recall a single situation where it has not played some part! Even those who are more confident at speaking in public can still be challenged by this at times, particularly when stepping into a more challenging speaking situation.

Feeling judged and shame about speaking

Feeling judged is very closely linked to shame, and both are powerful feelings, and ones which cannot simply be ignored. In exploring the theme of feeling judged, I find that, like many things, the issue is not clear cut. We can be very effective and confident in some speaking situations and not in others. This can then lead to apparent contradictions within ourselves. Different scenarios I’ve encountered include:

The successful entrepreneur who comes across as confident, but is crippled inside by the thought of needing to speak to at a networking event.

The newly elected golf captain who can effectively negotiate deals at work, but is terrified of giving a speech at the annual captain’s dinner.

The project manager who can really connect with her team, but is passed over at management meetings.

The toastmaster who has won numerous competitions, given amazing, inspiring speeches, but is afraid to give an opinion at meetings.

These contradictions can add to further shame, as we feel that we should be just able to ‘get over it’. However, it’s not as simple as that. The thing is, that those reactions served a purpose in our past, to keep us safe when we needed it, but they no longer serve us well. Because these reactions are so ingrained, I find that it’s practically impossible to think our way out of it…something that many of my clients have tried before they’ve come to me. So what to do about it?

What can we do when we feel judged and shame around speaking

Well, for me, I look at two things, 1) what it feels like in the body, and 2) getting acquainted with my inner critic. In this article I’m honing in on the body piece.

So what do I mean when I say to look at what shame of feeling judged feels like in the body? It’s easy to use words to describe how we feel, but these can be deceptive, as we can simply be thinking in an abstract way about the feeling. What we need to do is get stuck into the physical experience. What does being judged or shame feel like to you? Perhaps it’s a hunching of the shoulders, a tightness in the chest, or a shaky, weak voice. Everyone has different experiences. It is not particularly pleasant to go there with these sensations, but go there we must, if we want to make lasting changes. Rather than make judgements about the feelings of shame, such as “It’s unpleasant,” instead, we can choose to be curious, “I notice a heaviness in the pit of my stomach.”

Allow yourself to feel the fear of speaking

How getting to know feelings help us to speak with confidence

As we get better acquainted with these feelings or sensations which associated with shame or feeling judged, they don’t feel quite so overwhelming. In fact, it reduces the power that they have over us. I liken it to surfing, if you’re fighting the wave, you’re on a losing battle, but if you go with it, it’s a whole lot easier, and fun (even if that does involve falling off the board, as I do quite spectacularly!) So, by allowing these sensations to be there, a transformation can happen. We become more present in ourselves, and more mindful. As a result, we can speak from a place of presence, one which comes across as passionate and confident…whether or not those physical sensations connected to feeling judged are there.

Feel the fear (in your body) and say it anyway

As we get better acquainted with these feelings or sensations, they don’t feel quite so overwhelming, and in fact, it reduces the power that they have over us. I liken it to surfing, if you’re fighting the wave, you’re on a losing battle, but if you go with it, it’s a whole lot easier, and fun (even if that does involve falling off the board, as I do quite spectacularly!) So, by allowing these sensations to be there, a transformation can happen. We become more present in ourselves, and more mindful. As a result, we can speak from a place of presence, one which comes across as passionate and confident…whether or not those physical sensations connected to feeling judged are there.

If that all sounds a bit difficult to apply, and you don’t quite know where to start, then you can access a body awareness audio file that I have on my website. It helps you to get more connected with your body, and only takes 2 minutes to listen to. Simply sign up to my mailing list and you can access that, along with other free resources.

I find it fascinating that by opening the door to our fear of speaking, we can be liberated from it. If you’d like to read more about how to overcome your fear of public speaking, check out Why just calm down is bad advice for nervous speakers.

 

This article was published by me on Linked In on 22nd May 2018.

Do you ramble when you’re nervous?

Linda Coyle

Do you talk too much when you’re nervous?

Rambling rose, rambling rose
Why you ramble, no one knows”  

                                 Nat King Cole

 

 

 

 

 

When we’re nervous about speaking, we’re likely to do one of two things, freeze and not say anything, or let the pendulum swing the other way and ramble. We say more, repeat ourselves, repeat ourselves a little differently, or go off on tangents. It’s possible that we may not really have noticed what we said in the first place! We talk faster, barely catching a breath, and may talk at a higher pitch than usual. Does any of this sound familiar?

 

So, why do we ramble when we’re nervous about speaking?

Ultimately this is linked to fear, or nervousness around the speaking situation. Why do we do this? I’ve been mulling over this question, and I think that there are three reasons.

We’re busy in our head: The more nervous we get about a speaking situation, the more we move into our head. Our head is racing, gets busy, and the words tumble around our heads and out of our mouths!

We’re afraid of silence: Silence is so scary! So, if in doubt, fill it!

We distract ourselves: If we keep talking it can distract us from how nervous we’re feeling. It also shields us from feeling judged by the listener. I’ve written more about feeling judged and how it’s interconnected with fear of public speaking, which you can read here.

 

Does it matter if we ramble when we’re nervous?

Well, yes, because, if we’re rambling:

  • We’re not listening
  • We’re not getting our key message out there.
  • We’re not being truly present in the moment.
  • We’re not connecting with our listener

 

What can you do about rambling when you’re nervous?

To me it comes back to two key things, being in our body and being in the moment…but actually, this could be narrowed down to one…being in our body. Because if we’re more aware of our body, we are in the here and now, and are present. When we’re more present, we can sit with our uncomfortable feelings…about silence, about what the listener thinks of us, and not go off into a spiral of panic, and we can be pleasantly surprised by our ability to cope!

So, how to do this? There are many ways. The simplest way that I find, is to simply stop, close my eyes, and scan down through my body, being curious and interested, noticing what I’m experiencing. Other people may find that taking a deep breath is really helpful.  Whichever method you choose, the key result is a quietening of the incessant chatter, busyness and panic in your head, and in that quietness you get clarity….and it’s hard to ramble when it’s quiet.

So, instead of rambling out loud take a moment to ramble through your body, connect with it, and you’ll find that it all feels a lot easier!

 

What are your thoughts?

Do you ramble or do you freeze…or perhaps a bit of both?!

When does this happen to you?

 

If you’re interested in the song ‘Ramblin’ Rose’ here’s a version by Chuck Berry:

 

Other posts about speaking when nervous which may interest you:

Feeling judged and how it’s interconnected with fear of public speaking.

Why our body is so important for successful speaking.

The gift of the gab: Is it something we’re born with?

Linda Coyle

The Collins dictionary says that if someone has the gift of the gab, they are able to speak easily and confidently, and to persuade people. While kissing the Blarney stone is an option, for those who don’t feel confident when it comes to speaking up, or are debilitated by glossophobia, it can feel like it’s either something you have or don’t have. But, that’s simply not true. While some people are comfortable speaking in any situation, most of us experience varying degrees of nerves when it comes to public speaking. As Mark Twain said, “There are only two types of speakers in the world- the nervous and the liars!”

The key is to figure out what’s getting in your way with speaking confidently and then know what to do. A big part of that is getting to know what you’re afraid of…it seems counter intuitive, but it is very much the case of ‘Feel the fear and say it anyway!’

Reframe nervous as excited

The interesting thing is that you don’t need to feel confident in order to speak confidently…and if we get stuck with that fantasy, (for want of a better word), then we’re bound to get stuck. One simple idea is to reframe fear as excited. This is but one practical idea which I’ve covered in my 5 day e-course on speaking with confidence.

 

 

I developed this e-course based on tried and tested tools and techniques that I’ve used with many of my clients who I’ve seen either one to one, or at my workshops. Click here to find out more about the e-course ‘Speak with confidence in only 5 days, and in honour of St. Patrick’s Day, and all things Irish, I’m offering a 25% discount on Simply type the code: PADDYS18 at the checkout. Offer is only available until 23rd March, so sign up quick!

Reflections on ‘being present’ at Women’s Inspire Network Conference #WIN17Dublin, Oct. 10th

Linda Coyle

Speaking at Women’s Inspire National Event Oct. 2017

The #WIN17Dublin event by the Women’s Inspire network was a truly inspiring meeting of positive energy, support and expertise from a wide range of women and men…and I felt very privileged to be part of it! In this post, I’m reflecting on two moments of presence during the day. The first was a body awareness experience that I led during my talk on ‘Public speaking: Feel the fear and say it anyway’. A key focus of my talk was about how important it is to connect with our body in order to speak with confidence. The irony is that we need to tune into sensations within our body which to our judging mind can feel quite unpleasant in order to come across as confident.

So, what did I do? I talked us through a body scan, in which we started at the top of our body and slowly scanned down through our body…just noticing…observing…not judging…What was amazing was as we did this exercise, the energy in the room shifted. It’s hard to describe in words, but it’s like everything ‘dropped’ and there was a sense of stillness, which continued to linger in the air for a couple of seconds after I had finished speaking. While I’ve done this exercise numerous times before, in one to one sessions and with small groups, I’ve never done it on such a grand scale, and the energy shift was palpable. Becoming present in our bodies is great for us in its own right, it is also something that we can apply to day to day situations, particularly situations which we find challenging, such as public speaking, or dealing with a conflict.

Having spoken in the morning, I had the rest of the day to take in a range of amazing speakers, as well as dip into the Chill zone led by Dolores Andrew-Gavin (@irishhealthhour). I particularly enjoyed the chance to experience being in a musical moment during a workshop with Catherine Dunphy (@magicofmusic), as she creatively engaged us in making music….it didn’t matter where on the scale you saw yourself in terms of your musicality, all scales were welcome! You can catch a glimpse of it below!

Finally,  I’m really grateful for all the positive feedback that I got from my presentation, and that people were easily able to apply what they had learned…There were several comments of feeling ‘excited’ or even, ‘really really excited!’ about speaking. What’s all that about? Read more here! Also, thank you to Lisa Kelly (@lisa_myapp_ie)  for including me as one of her favourite 4 from the conference.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hate talking on the phone? You’re not alone!

Linda Coyle

Hate talking on the phone? You’re not alone!

Do you find that you’re better face to face than talking to people on the phone? Talking on the phone can be more challenging than face to face for many reasons, and some people can experience a specific phobia regarding speaking on the phone. Three key features which make phone speaking more challenging are:

You can’t see each other: We don’t get to see the other person’s facial expression, so it’s harder to read their reactions. They can’t see our facial expression or gestures, such as nodding, or eye contact.

Speech quality is reduced over the phone: This is because phones do not transmit all the sounds that are part of the human voice, particularly very low frequencies and very high frequencies. This explains why it can be easier to be misheard over the phone, and also why we find it so hard to recognise letters over the phone, and so need to pair them with words, such as using the radio alphabet, e.g. A for alpha.

The buck stops with your voice: The success of how you communicate rests solely on the sound of your voice. This can feel like a huge amount of pressure, and create stress and tension in the body. It can also be particularly challenging in an era when we can find that the mobile is used for anything but making and receiving calls! However, to flip this another way, it’s a wonderful opportunity to maximise your voice as a way to connect with others, as through our voice we can readily show warmth, connection and interest…an emoji would never come close!

If you want to improve at your phone skills, below are some tips to help you to be more successful when you speak on the phone.

 

1) Connect with your body, before you make or answer a call. Put your feet on the floor. Notice how your body is touching the chair, notice your head, notice what your arms are doing. Taking 20 seconds to slowing scan down through your body and just connect with it.

 

2) Wait before you answer or dial a number. Rather than jumping to answer the phone, let it ring a few times, and just breathe. Again, this gets you grounded and more present. The same applies before you call someone. Take a few seconds to just breathe.

 

3) Facial expression: Smile…No the person can’t see you, but smiling, will do a couple of things:

  • Helps you feel happier and more at ease (it’s very effective…try it!)
  • Help you convey warmth, a sense of connection with the other person
  • Helps your speech to be clearer, as you are likely to speak with more energy.

4) Say your name clearly. Do you ever pick up voice mails from people and you can’t get their name from it…even when you listen a few times? Our names are so familiar to us that we don’t think about how we say them, and we don’t do them justice. There’s a great Ted Talk by Laura Sicola called ‘Want to sound like a leader? Start by saying your name right.’ which is well worth watching.

5) (optional) Have a listen to this great song : by Prince, sung by Alicia Keys How come you don’t call me!

 

Do you have any tips to add? Do let me know.

If you feel you need more help at speaking with more confidence, be it on the phone or face to face, then check out my Speak with confidence services.

Find out more

 

 

Why “(Just) calm down” is bad advice for nervous speakers.

Linda Coyle

Saying, “Calm down,” to a nervous speaker is just not helpful!

 

Many people find public speaking difficult, even terrifying, and given the choice, would rather not have to talk, but unfortunately (or perhaps more accurately fortunately!) we sometimes need to do something, even though it terrifies us! Typically people feel nervous when faced with a speaking situation. While we may experience nervousness differently in our body, it’s something that we can all relate to. a feeling which we can all relate to. Symptoms of nerves when we’re about to speak include sweaty palms, racing heart beat, tight chest, dry mouth and/or nausea. So how do you cope with these anxious feelings when you’re feeling nervous about speaking? Advice people hear, be it from others or within their own heads is to “(Just) calm down.” I don’t agree! Watch my video to find out more!

I’ve three problems with the advice, “Calm down”:

1) It doesn’t work: If you’ve ever tried to think yourself into a calm state by saying ‘calm down’, then let me know! Frequently people tell me that they try to tell themselves to calm down, but that they still struggle with presenting, and/or their voice shakes.

2) You’re seeing nerves as a problem: Feeling nervous is energy flowing through our body from adrenaline. Adrenaline energises us and gets us ready for action. We want this energy so that we can speak with passion and enthusiasm.

3) You’re fighting against your body. Our bodies have such wisdom, and ultimately if we fight against our body we lose. Instead, listening to the internal signals that we’re getting and accepting them can empower us to move forward, rather than be stuck in a state of fear and dread.

So, the solution is to embrace these nerves as energy that’s in your body and let it flow. Sounds great in theory, but how do we do this? In my workshops I share different ways in which you can learn to do this. One simple technique is to re-frame it from nervous…to excited. This technique was researched by Alison Wood Brooks (2014) who found that people who  said to themselves, “I’m excited” before carrying out one of three tasks- karaoke singing, public speaking and Maths, performed better than those who said, ‘I’m nervous’ or who said nothing at all. She called this ‘reappraising anxiety as excitement’. So, the next time you need to give a presentation, focus on feeling excited, and let me know how you get on!

Other articles related to speaking with confidence which may interest you:

Lisa Kelly’s review of her top 4 speakers at Womens Inspire Network Conference in October 2017. I was delighted to be included in her list!

Women’s Inspire Network National Event, Self-care in business, 10th October 2017

Linda Coyle

I’m delighted to be a speaker at the forthcoming Women’s Inspire Network National Event, ‘Self-care in business‘ on Tuesday 10th October at the Radisson Blu Hotel, Dublin Airport. The tile of my talk is, ‘Feel the fear and say it anyway!’ I’m looking forward to meeting lots of inspiring women…and the occasional man!

Speakers at self care in business, Women’s Inspire Network

 

“You had me at hello,”…First impressions do count!

Linda Coyle

You had me at hello! First Impressions do count

Listeners readily form an impression of the personality of a speaker, and this is not easily changed! This phenomenon has been dubbed the ‘Jerry Maguire effect’ from the infamous line in the film Jerry Maguire. It is based on research which has shown that listeners make millisecond decisions about a person’s personality, and whether or not they trust someone, based on the sound of their voice.

Researchers McAleer et al (2014), in the University of Glasgow conducted a study in which listeners rated 64 different audio clips of speakers saying the word ‘hello’ across a range of personality traits. These included trustworthiness, aggressiveness, confidence, dominance and warmth.

They found that judgements were consistent across listeners. In particular, they found that  men who said hello with a higher pitched voice were deemed to be more trustworthy, but that for women it was based on a greater rise in pitch between the first and second vowel of ‘he-llo’.

So, what does this mean? Well while first impressions are influenced by a range of factors, such as appearance, facial expression, and body language, it is clear that the sound of your voice is crucial.

So, if your voice is not transmitting your authentic, vibrant personality, then you need to do something about it….but don’t worry I can help!

Find out more

 


					
Expert Voice consulting successful communication

SPEAK WITH IMPACT EVENT – THURS 25TH MAY – CORK

Linda Coyle

Speak with impact workshop, Celtic Ross, March 2017

Speak with Impact Training for Women in Business

May 2017 Workshop + 1-to-1 Skype sessions.

Do you need to engage, lead and/or influence others in your job?
Does your voice let you down?

Then my Speak with Impact workshops will help…

This workshop, designed specifically for women in business, focuses on:

Body awareness: this is the starting point for effective communication…becoming aware of what is going on in your body and what you do with your body when you’re talking.

What you say: looking at the content of what you say, the words that you use, and how you construct your message.

How you say it: focusing on how to use your voice effectively so that you can speak with clarity and confidence in any situation.

Thoughts and feelings: Becoming more aware of how thoughts and feelings affect how you speak and what to do about it.

Book in to my next Speak with Impact Workshop for Women in Business
When: Thursday 25th May from 2-5pm
Where: Bru Columbanus, Wilton, Co.Cork.
Price: €90

This includes a place in the workshop and a 30 minute one to one Skype Coaching session that happens 2-3 weeks after the workshop.

 

7 Quick Tips when Speaking to a Crowd

Linda Coyle

Some of us are natural public speakers, many more of us are not. When we’re nervous, this can affect how we speak, as we stumble over words or struggle with a weak voice. If you fall into this category, then here are a couple of tips which can help you feel more at ease, and help your voice to carry without strain.

 

1. Notice your posture

Try some Power posing as described by Amy Cuddy in her inspiring Ted talk called ‘Your body language shapes who you are’.

2. Tune into and accept feelings within your body

Instead of pushing away your nerves, tune into these feelings, and accept them. Use self talk, ‘I’m feeling butterflies in my stomach…that’s OK.’  When you do this, you put yourself in control, and reduce feelings of panic and stress.

3. Speak slower than you normally do

 When I ask people to do this, they often feel that they’re speaking extremely slowly, and it’s only when they listen to recordings of themselves that they realise that in fact it wasn’t that slow at all.

Take a deep breath, does this help or hinder?!

Linda Coyle

Do you take a deep breath to calm down?

Natural Reaction

As I launch my new website, I feel both excitement and the nervousness of starting something new…. A natural reaction is that I find that I’m holding my breath, and so I need to let the breath flow….While there are outstanding benefits of focusing on our breath,  it can also cause problems, particularly when it relates to effective voice use. I have found that time and again, clients who have struggled with some aspect of speaking have been told to ‘take a deep breath’. This could be to help cope with nerves, to stop stammering, to project the voice better, or to sing better.

Taking a Breath can have the Opposite Effect

Now in theory this sounds like a very simple and sensible idea, but the funny thing is that quite frequently it has the opposite effect to what was intended.

© [2018] Linda Coyle, Speak Brilliantly. All rights reserved.